Madeleine

As an adoptee how do you feel about the issue of abortion?

I believe that abortion is a totally valid option. I consider myself to be pro choice as I believe that women deserve full bodily autonomy. I feel as though it is a better option than raising a child you don’t want. Many pro life people would say to just go through pregnancy and then put the child up for adoption but as adoptee, I feel as though this is highly inappropriate. Firstly, other people should not get a say in what the mother decides. In addition, adoption is not simply an alternative solution. Adoption is a complex and traumatic thing to go through from both perspectives(mother and child).

How do you feel being adopted has affected your opinion on abortion?

I think being adopted has allowed me to have a more open minded view of the topic. I believe that it should be an accepted option for women as adoption is not the solution. Whether the child is unwanted, there’s a lack of resources, or people just aren’t ready to be parents, abortion should be a valid option. As an adoptee who was placed in an unfortunate family situation, I understand that some people just aren’t meant to be parents.

Many adoptees have been asked "Aren't you glad you weren't aborted?", what is your response to that?

“I could ask you the same, aren’t you glad your parents decided to have you? They could’ve aborted you” I hate this type of intrusive question from non adopted people who do not fully understand the impact of this. While I do try to be patient and give people the benefit of the doubt, I truly believe that flipping the situation and making them experience the discomfort can be a good learning opportunity for them. I think sometimes, if they have to feel the discomfort then perhaps they can understand how that type of question is inappropriate. I also think that in some cases, being aborted wouldn’t be the worst thing as some adoptees end up in toxic, abusive homes.

Have you ever felt like your experience of being an adoptee has been misrepresented or used to advance a certain rhetoric? How does this make you feel?

I definitely felt like my experience of being an adoptee has been misrepresented. For example, people hear that a family has adopted and they take on this savior approach to the situation. They typically congratulate the new parents and talk about how exciting it is. They don’t often recognize the pain and trauma that comes along with adoption. I have done a lot of work on myself to take on a more healthy outlook about adoption however, I still feel frustrated and hurt by the fact that adoptees cannot simply life their life. There’s always going to be the “what if_____” questions that will likely remain unanswered.

There’s racism, ignorance and close mindedness in many social encounters with non adoptees which makes day to day life challenging.

Can you talk about a time when you felt pressured to have an opinion on abortion?

Not sure. Never really felt pressured, I just remained constant with my views on it.